one or two mid sized red cabbages
one or two cans of Fri Chik
one or two onions
a small number of carrots
a large amount of peanut butter
generous hand with the red pepper
salt (varied according to blood pressure)
enough water to prevent fire
directions (for February)
turn on stove and warm hands in front of the glow. This should restore enough function to permit chopping. turn off the stove (to save on the electric bill). put everything on a large chopping board. hum "Nearer my God to Thee" in French, going up a half step after each time through. this step allows time for the ingredients to right their wrongs, write their wills, and perform last rites. when the entire piece is in falsetto, switch to "God rest ye merry gentlemen" (whistled with Texas accent) and flail savagely at the ingredients with a large knife. continue this process until your heart rate is over 120. stop chopping and dump all ingredients into a large kettle. turn on the stove, put on the kettle, and start listening to Rutter's Requiem. stir between movements. start eating as soon as the cooked cabbage smell trumps the peanut butter smell.
24 comments:
Paul, you're so awesome. I love you.
If only all recipes were this entertaining to read! Maybe I need to hum more as I cook!
paul, you can't call something soup that doesn't have any water in it once you have finished cooking it!
:)
seriously, it sounds good, if you don't pay attention to the peanut butter part of the recipie...
dude. I said "enough water to prevent fire". PB burns easily. there is lots of water left after it's finished cooking. Ever had Thai peanut sauce? my peanut flavored soup make that stuff seem amatur.
you must hmm while cooking. it gets the salivation going--preparing the way for great flavors
we all know that exercise makes stuff taste better, so recipes should include a workout
Elissa read this to me last night and with no previous context provided of course I knew instantly that it was you. I thought it was hilarious. :-)
That's awesome Paul!
I can't wait to try some of your soup this summer. I will have to start doing the same thing when I am cooking. What's this humming in french? You should change your "humm" to Norsk! :-)
Adri!
How nice to hear from you. I trust you recieve a wedding invite. Hopefully you and your family will be able to come.
yep, I guess law school hasn't changed my style of humor.
Tee,
I don't know Petra may have me humming in Dansk...
Quite right of you to combine various musical and physical rites in your writing of this fantastical cooking writ.
btw no harm intended...your post had me and several occupants of the advanced lab laughing out loud! :)
I might just have to try the concoction sometime...
Hey, sounds like a recipe to add to my collection. Too bad there's no Fri-chic in the jungle.
Barry:
as you know, everything in life is connected. cooking should be an extension of one's personality, goals, and beliefs.
Johonn:
of course you're going to try my soup--we'll eat nothing else while on CD selling tours this summer
Ansley
thanks for taking time to look at my blog. someday, I hope to have another sample of your fine cooking. lucky John...
yeah, time measured in stanzas, and movements - definitely a sign of a musician!
Quite creative instructions Paul!
I read them to Christy - we we both had a good laugh :)
Thanks for the wedding invitation! I love the ideas n pictures!
Though I would love to be there - I will be in the middle of Practicum.
But maybe I'll email you some peanut butter as a wedding present ;)
PB would be great. Actually, I still owe Kyle Allan a jar. We agreed that the first one married would give the other a large jar of natural PB. guess I need to pay up:-)
Glad to see that your cooking is branching out in such a creative fashion. Perhaps I will try feed some to Papa and dad, though not sure if i can adequately contribute the musical ingredients :).
My my... this blog and the comments which followed were quite amusing. I read your post to my dad because I thought it was so funny, and after I explained a little background on who you are he said that he thinks someday you may have to defend your constitutional right to put peanut butter in your soup.
Paul, You should create a whole book-full of these recipes and publish it! I'd sure buy one. You could have your family and friends submit recipes and then you could "paulize" them and make them fun!
I think that i'm going to try and paulize my recipes this week. I'm home for break and i think that it would be pretty fun to bake a pie humming in French, or... Norsk!
Yay! Norsk sounds good :D
Thanks for the vote of confidence, but I fear Ansley's work is far more fit for publication than mine:-). My recipe for Cheap Skates Hard Times Wonder Brew might be an exception...
I hope to spend my legal career keeping folks out of court, so I doubt I'll be defending my constitutional right to place PB in my soup (as important as that is:-). I'd glady fight a Sunday Law. Otherwise, I'll try to follow Matthew 5: 25-26:-).
I hope to bake a apple pie sometime this weekend. perhaps I'll give it an international flavor via auditory imput. (I'll listen to the pie, and it can listen to me).
mmm... apple pie with an international twist! I just baked a blueberry pie today! ...though I wasn't able to hum in Norsk because, sadly, I don't know it. You'll have to teach me Martina :)
Hey fiance, some of my Danish friends read your blog recently, and they cautiously informed me that they were seriously concerned about your sanity... :-)
their concerns are well founded, but, "Sanity is only maintained by vigerous and regular promenades along it's border"
I have always agreed with the Danish...
Whatever. all you folks are out to lunch. Petra is the smartest girl on earth, and she's marrying me, so I must not be totally crazy.
I've never seen a recipe put in such subjective terms! You definitely have a good sense of humor. One question. What in the world prompted your imagination to divulge the secrets of how you make such a fantastic soup? :D
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